Violent crime reaches my home.....

[68KingFisher]

I know that i'm pretty new around here and none of you good people know me on a personal level, but I needed to vent and share my frustrations with friends so if this post is not appropriate please remove it.

A little over 8 years ago, I moved my family away from a big city to a small town(pop5600)in rural Arkansas....The big city life was getting too violent and I worried about protecting my family....the area we lived in was quickly becoming a war zone of gang activity every nite, and after our oldest daughter came home from high school to tell us that a gun had been taken away from a boy in her class, I begin to think it was time to homeschool or relocate....after a second report of a gun being brought to school and a drive by shooting just a few blocks from home, I said "Thats it were outta here"....So we sold out and moved to rural America....were its suppose to be safe to sleep with your windows open, and you can leave your home and cars unlocked cause nobody's gonna steal nuthing.....Nuthin but good old fashion God fearing country folk.....I thought we were safe and over the past 8 years i'd learned to relax.

To my utter shock, this week our family was affected by a violent crime, when the father of my grandbaby, violently assaulted our 21yr old daughter, because he was upset she was breaking up with him.....He crushed her head in the door of her car as she was attempting to take the baby out of its carseat.....the blow was so severe that he almost killed her, and it cut off half of her left ear, when the side of her head hit the edge of the doorjam....once on the ground it appears he either stomped her a time or two or hit her with fists, were really unsure about how any of it took place since the only witness was the Boyfriend...his 14 month old baby, and his looser stepdaddy that was sitting on the front porch less then 20ft away, but he's sayin he didn't see anything...naturally...My daughter has no memory of the event.....it took several tense hours before she even knew or understood what had happened to her.

Our beautiful daughter has a serious concussion across the temple area on both sides of her head, and is just damn lucky to be alive.....The complete top half of her left ear is gone.....she's black-n-blue from her shoulder area to her ribcage and one leg is badly bruised.

As of this moment her attacker is in jail, and since he was already on parol for several other things in his past, they have revoked his parol and he's headed back to prison to serve out the rest of his parol time which we understand to be 5yrs.....Thats before he gets any additional time for this attack, and I hope its alot more....we'll have to wait and see....I don't have alot of faith in our judicial system, but the wheels of justice are turning in our favor at the moment, so we'll go along for the ride and see how it plays out.

The main thing is my baby, and her baby are safe for now.....We will be doing everything in our power to keep him in prison for as long as possible, and were also going to try and get him to sign his rights over for the baby.....Although our lawyer has said we'll need to wait awhile before we try that....in the mean time the protection orders that are in place gives my daughter full custody of the baby, and we can get her last name changed to ours without much trouble from what they are saying.....they were not married, but they gave the child his last name at birth against our wishes.....we'll be reversing that mistake.

I can't begin to express what i'm been going thru as a father......I thought i'd done everything I could to protect my family......but I knew when I first met this kid he was bad news. Unfortunaly I seemed to be the only one in the family that felt that way.....my wife insisted that we "give him a chance" even though i'd done some background checks on him and found that he came from a broken home...father is in prison....mother is scum of the earth white trash....he's a known dope dealer that has delt in selling weed since elementry school.....I think his local rap sheet has its own file cabinet by the way it sounded.....but my daughter loved him and the wife insisted that this kids problem was he wasn't raised right and we could help change that....we just needed to give him a chance.....So I put my gut feelings aside....Now this has happened, and I feel like I failed somehow and now she's scarred for life.

I've wanted to stomp a mudhole in the middle of this guy so many times its not funny....and each time my daughter would fall for his charms and let him get away with whatever it was at the time....He was a lazy bum and would never work....she spent a small fortune on him.....I just didn't get it....its like he could brainwash her or had something hypnotic over her....I hated it but what can you do....she loved the guy supposedly, and he realy loved her....Yeah right....he showed her how much he loves her....I think he's the kind of guy that would love her to death!....Literally.

Several days later my vengence still runnith over....what do I do with that?

Sorry, for my rant....I seem to be overrun with emotions and rage and so many other feelings I can't sleep....haven't had much the past few days....just needed to spill my guts some more, so I hope ya'll dont mind listening.....I'm attaching a photo of my beautiful daughter Heather.....She's our baby, and we sure love her and her grandbaby and will do whatever it takes to keep them safe.....but at times like this I wonder if thats possible in this ol'world we live in.

Thanks for letting me vent,

Michael

[KcDano]

That is a bad deal, I hope it all works out for the better.

[diemai]

@ 68KingFisher

I know , that this surely would not ease your bad feelings , but I really don't think , that you could now say , that rural places , that you have descided to escape to 8 years ago , are turning more unsafe .

What has happened is a typical case of domestic violence , and that could happen anywhere .

Nevertheless I can figure out about your anger and despare , ........if she only would have listened to her daddy's warnings !

I have had little similar problems with my own daughter as well(but she never has a baby) , .........against all talking and advice from her parents she fell for a useless cheater and hoodlum as well(in fact his entire family was) , but luckily she got away with "only" some 3000

[68KingFisher]

@ 68KingFisher

I know , that this surely would not ease your bad feelings , but I really don't think , that you could now say , that rural places , that you have descided to escape to 8 years ago , are turning more unsafe .

What has happened is a typical case of domestic violence , and that could happen anywhere .

Nevertheless I can figure out about your anger and despare , ........if she only would have listened to her daddy's warnings !

I have had little similar problems with my own daughter as well(but she never has a baby) , .........against all talking and advice from her parents she fell for a useless cheater and hoodlum as well(in fact his entire family was) , but luckily she got away with "only" some 3000

[BobP]

Michael, the best we can do is prepare ourselves and those we love to recognize and avoid situations where they may be in danger. You did that for your family when you moved to a quieter neighborhood. I think I can relate to what you are feeling about this episode and the perpetrator. But when all is said and done, she must understand that it will be up to HER to protect herself and her child. Encourage her to understand and recognize the danger - now and in the future, regardless of any emotional attachment she may feel for the guy, or any action good or bad on his part. His adult behavior patterns are a product of his upbringing and environment and he will always be a danger to her and her child, no matter what she wishes or says or feels. And she needs to act accordingly. Police and courts can only punish offenders after they offend. That's too damn late to be of much help when your life depends on it.

[hazmail]

K.F- I just read this and I am stunned, your daughter looks like a slightly younger version of mine! !

I feel sorry for you, these a... holes never lose, he will be back because when they get out they have nowhere else to go, and only his mother would have him.

Sounds like he has been the centre of attention all his life and can't handle the back seat for a change.

I sincerely hope your daughter gets over this, both mentally and physically, and maybe take a bit more notice of her dad occasionally. Hang in there - go and do some painting.. pete

[RayburnGuy]

I don't know what to say Michael. I'm sitting here with so many thoughts going through my head and saying I'm sorry just doesn't seem to cut it. Seems to me you tried to do everything possible to keep your family safe and that is all you can do. You just have to cling to one another as tightly as you can until all of you figure out a way to live with what has happened. I can only offer my condolences and an ear to listen any time you need a place to vent.

Ben

[68KingFisher]

Thanks guys....I appreciate all your kind uplifting words....that realy does mean alot to me. I wish I could just go out to the shop and paint, but I can't.....hard to be creative right now....i've been airbrushing a mural on a harley fender but that came to a screechin hault that day, and I just can't think about workin on it yet....called the owner and told him its on hold for abit....he said he understood.....i've got several lures in several stages of prep and paint, and I just stand there and look at them.....just don't have the drive to go there yet.

I had another restless sleepless night last nite and so did the grandbaby....the daughter seems to be having the least problems of all of us at the moment which is just weirding me out.....I know kids are tough and resilient but she's sure taking this thing in stride....She keeps say'n 'Dad, its just an ear"....."i'll be able to keep it hidden with my hair".....and she says it so "non shilauntly":huh: It just blows my mind.....I dunno...maybe this is her way of dealing with the tramatic event?....that and she doesn't remember anything after the first blow.....I guess maybe thats a blessing in disguise too.....Time will tell how she deals with it later on.

Thanks again for your kind words and private IM's....I know its tough to find words to comment on stuff like this, so I appreciate it even more....thanks guys.

Michael

[rlcam]

Just got to read you post and man that is a shame.I have a daughter with a 2 yr old that lives with me and my wife while she is going to college.I have had my moments with some guys she has dated,nothing like this though.I feel really bad for her and her child,there are scumbags like that everywhere.I wish you and your family the best and all we can do when they get to this stage in thier life is love them.I am sure it was extremely hard not to go and kill this guy but if you did those two girls wouldn't have you there to comfort them.God Bless and keep on doing what she needs,and thats love her ...Rob

[tauruck]

K.F- I just read this and I am stunned, your daughter looks like a slightly younger version of mine! !

I feel sorry for you, these a... holes never lose, he will be back because when they get out they have nowhere else to go, and only his mother would have him.

Sounds like he has been the centre of attention all his life and can't handle the back seat for a change.

I sincerely hope your daughter gets over this, both mentally and physically, and maybe take a bit more notice of her dad occasionally. Hang in there - go and do some painting.. pete

You're a wise man Pete. You said it all.

[WannabeeFishing]

This type of violence has become all too common. Our prayers go out to you daughter and your family. Stick with her and help her heal. Thankfully the child wasn't injured. God Bless.

[Lure--Prof]

So sorry to hear of this,

Michael, the best you can do is just be supportive of your daughter---I would encourage her to have professional counselling for post-traumatic stress, preferably from a female psycholgist, as talking to another woman would help put her at ease. I know you're not asking for advice here, that you just need to vent, but that is the best way I know of for you to help her, because she will be dealing with this event, and she needs the best help she can get in doing so.

I know it would make you feel much better to wipe a gravel road with this POS bass turd, and then pave him. I have a like-new set of tires on my truck, I'd sure be willing to put some miles on him myself. His violence probably comes from being a victim of it himself, as No Good begets No Good, but he failed to rise above his conditioning, and forfeited any rights to sympathy in my book. He's going to learn just how harshly the prison system deals with those who hurt women and children once word gets around, and in prison, word always gets around. This NGSOB may get religion.

Best Wishes for your family's healing. Do some lure and bike painting therapy, there is no better way to heal from this than immersing yourself in that which you do best. Your healing will help your family's.

Dean

[awesomejohn]

Dear Dean,

I read your post with a heartache as I am a 54 year old father and have moved "out of America" for the same reason and now violent crime is also finding us in the beautiful paradise region of the southern Agean coast of Turkey....

Its not a regional thing Dean, its a human nature thing.....its now everywhere.

even though Im glad I no longer live in Harlem, Brorklyn or Astoria, we have sickos here too, they are a part of life and I can say that no where is free of them so lets talk about actions we can take ..

the first action is prayer...

first my prayers for you and your family, may God ease your pain, give your serenity in knowing as a father you have done all you cold.. and I thank God that your daughter is still alive to see your grandchild grow..

secondly, your prayers, I think that you are very lucky she is still alive, seems the little gal has absorbed intense blows to the head and rest assured that God brought her back to you.. so I'm sure that you will thank God in your prayers that she is still here, your grandchild is alive, and your other family members were not affected.... and realise that every negative action causes a positive reaction... I dont think any other action could have affirmed to your daughter that she needs to never forgive and go back this sick man again no matter how good he is a charming her clean heart.

the thirs action is arms,

I am a "non-violent man" I never preach violence,

But every man has a right to protect his families life!

Dean you need to get a rifle, or shotgun, get a hunting licence and a rifle.

Keep it in the house God forbid you will ever need it for anything outside of target practice,

But if that day comes that your son in law get out of jail angry and bitter , gets drunk or high, and decides to do a "silence of the lambs" type of vengence attack on your family, load your rifle and tell him he either leaves or gets shot... and if he attacks then with an Amen you can protect your family with whatever you must do to stop him...

These types of wife aslaut incidents get all of us very sad,

but the good news is that your girl is alive,

You have nothing to be ashamed of as a father you everything you could,

The US judicial system will let him out in about 6 years,

Let him know that should he ever come near your home this will pose a threat to your family and he will get shot.

Tell him to his face so he knows you mean business,

lets all hope that he finds, Jesus, Mohamed, Budah or somebody in jail that will make him realise the harm he has done and change his ways as a human being.

I will pray for him too that he finds God and repents for his actions...

Dean you are lucky your daughters still alive brother,

Enjoy the rest of your days together in peace and happiness, but a have a rifle ready in case you must protect your family form him or anyone else that would do you harm..

The world is now becoming a violent sick place, no place is safe anymore.

You must be strong,

loving civilized... yes, unarmed .. no!

[Vodkaman]

I've been offline for a few weeks, just got connected and read this thread. Like many other members, I don't know what to say, but feel compelled to say something.

Rest assured that you did everything that a father can. I cannot think of any more that you could have done.

As has already been mentioned, retaliation is very tempting but would be a foolish option. It would only result in your own incarseration. Nothing wrong with home protection, but make sure that you are aware of what you can do and what you can not do.

This is the ultimate in parental nightmares. I have been lucky so far, with no major incidents involving my two boys. But now I have a new daughter, you have given me a lot to think about in the future.

I wish your beautiful daughter a speedy recovery and hope that life can return to normal as soon as possible.

Dave

[LooksLikeSinbad]

Wow, I really can't imagine what you and your wife must be going through. All I can say is hang in there and be there for your daughter and grand child during her recovery. Not that there is much of a silver lining when your daughter is assaulted nearly to death, but at least this guy is out of the picture and she is alive. Imagine if he had hurt the baby! But don't question your self, it sounds like all the decisions you made (moving your family and allowing your daughter to date this piece of shi*t) we're done for the right reasons - the love of your family.

I hope this guy gets his in jail.

[CL Rods]

Wow, I hope the Good Lord prevails and gives you and your family the wisdom and patience to deal with this. I would have an EXTREMELY hard time dealing with this and would hope he gets some jail house justice. And if he didn't the first time he came around it would be an eye for an eye or perhaps a 45 for an ear.

So vent all you want and need, and let's pray that you and your daughter get the support you need.